Enjoying the Riches of Christ for the Building Up of the Church as the Body of Christ, by Witness Lee

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Recently some young people asked me to fellowship with them about marriage. I told them that thirty-five years ago I had many things to say about marriage. I could give thirty-six points on marriage, but I eventually found out that I was cheated and I was cheating others. Not one of the points worked. Today I have nothing to say about marriage. I do not know who is the best wife or husband for anyone. For over forty years in the church life I have seen all kind of marriages. Now I am perplexed. I do not know who is a good wife or a good husband for someone. Thirty years ago in the Far East there was the custom, especially among the older ones, of recommending a young sister to a young brother or a young brother to a young sister. When we were concerned for a young brother, we recommended a sister to him because we thought she was the best one for him. Sometimes, however, a brother would not take our recommendation. Rather, he would be interested in a sister whom we considered to be peculiar. He chose such a sister to be his wife, but actually it was not his choice; it was God’s choice. That peculiar sister was predestinated by God for him.

Sometimes love blinds people. Although we may warn a brother about a sister’s peculiarities, he still may consider that he can bear them out of love for her. We may warn him not to have so much trust in himself, that he will be unable to bear such a one and will probably suffer. Such a brother may still marry the peculiar sister, but after only three days he may come back for fellowship with tears on his face. He may say that he prefers to have the windows of his house shut, but she insists to have them open, and he does not know what to do. However, it is too late for fellowship. This sister is his choice and God’s destiny for him. He must take God’s choice for him. He must go, joyfully suffer, and die. The Lord’s grace is sufficient. He cannot bear it, but the grace can.

I have seen many such cases. Certain brothers reject all the better choices and take a peculiar one for their wife. Praise the Lord, that is the right one for them. Such a choice is not an accident. The Lord predestinated such a sister for them before the foundation of the earth. This is why today I have nothing to say about marriage. If you feel that you must be married, go and do it. I do not know who is the best one for you, but the Lord knows. We, the older ones who cared for the younger ones, all became disappointed, so we took our hands off their situation. We are not the good matchmakers. Only the Lord knows who is a match.

No one should ever complain. We must not blame our husband or our wife. We must not blame the situation or condition of our family. Everything is of the Lord, and He knows everything. Even if we make a mistake about marriage, that mistake is right. Actually, there are no mistakes. We must not regret anything. We have to say, “Hallelujah, I made such a mistake, and I need such a mistake. Every mistake is wonderful.” Some may say that I am now encouraging mistakes. However, if we make a mistake, it is because the Lord allows us to make that mistake. The Lord Jesus said that even the hairs of our head are all numbered (Matt. 10:30). If He has numbered our hairs, then there is nothing about us that is not under His care. We must never say we married the wrong wife. We can never have the wrong wife. Whosoever we marry is the right one. That one is exactly the one who we need. The Lord knows.

We all have been predestinated by Him. The things that have happened to us are beyond our dreams. Many of us never dreamed that we would be where we are today. This is not of us. We may make a decision about what we will do next year, but only the Lord knows where we will be.

We are in the oven. We may expect that the brothers coordinating with us will be nice, humble, not too slow nor too quick, just fitting our situation. However, they may be just the opposite, and we will suffer. As long as we feel that we are suffering, however, we are wrong. The day we have no feeling of suffering will be the time we are thoroughly cooked. If we still blame our wife or our coordinating brothers, this is proof that we need more cooking. When we are thoroughly cooked, we will have no blame. We will say, “Praise the Lord, the slow one is just as good as the quick one, and the quick one is just as good as the slow one. No one is good, and no one is not good. Everyone is exactly right.” This may prove that we have been thoroughly cooked.

Young men and young women, on the one hand, your eyes must be open. However, there is not one woman on this earth who can be the best wife, and there is not one man on this earth who can be the best husband. If we are clear to such an extent, we can then shut our eyes and leave the matter of marriage to the hand of the Lord. We are in His hand. The Lord really knows.

Paul says, “Our outer man is decaying” (2 Cor. 4:16). To decay, to be consumed, means to be exhausted, to be cut bit by bit, little by little. Our outer man needs to be consumed for our inner man to be renewed. Praise the Lord, we all need marriage. This matter is sovereign of the Lord. If we did not need marriage, many would give it up because it is truly a suffering. A certain proverb says that a dumb person, after eating something bitter, suffers silently. Everyone who marries is so; they must suffer without uttering anything. This is the consuming. The outer man is consumed, but the inner man is being renewed day by day.

(Enjoying the Riches of Christ for the Building Up of the Church as the Body of Christ, Chapter 10, by Witness Lee)